I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
