it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You're a waste of cheezeits
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
