we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
