Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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