I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
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