You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
