Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
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Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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