So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
