I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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