currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
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The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
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And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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