Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
