I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
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I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
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Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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