i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
