just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
