I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
