sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She's the barista slut.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
MIDGETS
????
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
