I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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