My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
