I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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