Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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