I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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