the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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