More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
