Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
and she was petting her beer can
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I will pee on everything he values.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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