he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
