i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
