Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
