Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
