just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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