Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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