2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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