I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Still dying that you shit outside
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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