Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
