Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize