I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize