I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize