did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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