We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
