just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
