He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
