I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
