i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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