I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
