dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
