so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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