Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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