Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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