the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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