you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
