It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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