Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize