Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize