I'm pants shitting drunk right now
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
