Swine flu. Run for my life!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He kissed a someone with a penis
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
