No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
