I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
