three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize